As high school seniors are getting closer and closer to graduation, many may be struggling with a question that some of us here at the University of Texas might’ve asked ourselves all those months or years ago: “Should I stay with my partner going into college?” While some of you may have chosen to give your relationship a chance, a lot of you probably chose the opposite, which makes the answer to the previous question seem simple: no.
From Margot breaking up with Josh in “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before,” to Gabriella and Troy struggling with the idea of a long-distance relationship in “High School Musical,” the media constantly pushes the idea of breaking up with your significant other when you go to college. Whether the reason behind the split is the long distance, or getting the “college experience,” it feels like everywhere you turn you are told not to go into college with a relationship. I mean, Netflix’s “Hello, Goodbye, and Everything in Between” is an entire movie based on the notion that you are obligated to break up with your partner once you head off to university. The effect this narrative has on young people is far-reaching. According to this article in Hug a Teen magazine, only 25% of high school relationships last past graduation and make it to marriage. Those kinds of figures no doubt add a level of urgency and pressure to end your high school relationships, but, as a college student in a successful long-distance relationship with her high school partner, I’m here to tell you that a happy, distanced courtship is possible if you’re willing to put in the work.
Growing up, my mom always told me, “If you’re not dating for marriage, you’re dating for heartbreak.” While that may have been true at one point, I think it’s safe to say that relationships in our current day have become much more complicated than that. Our generation has introduced so many new terms when it comes to defining relationships: situationships, sneaky links, or as Ken says in “Barbie,” “long-term, long-distance, low-commitment, casual girlfriend.”
All of these terms offer an alternative to a traditional relationship that many of our parents and grandparents have no experience with. Since I’m in more of a traditional relationship, I won’t have much advice for how to handle more casual partners, but you never know…some of the suggestions I have here may be helpful to you. This being said, allow me to elaborate.
Some people would say that staying in a relationship would prohibit you from having the “true college experience” but what is the college experience? Random hookups? One-night stands? A new and interesting boyfriend? If this is what you define as the college experience, then this article might not be for you. The college experience is different for everyone, of course, and if you’re seeking new sexual or romantic experiences, then by all means, break up with your partner. However, the college experience in my opinion is supposed to be the time where you find yourself and experiment– why do we assume that we have to break up with our partner to do this? You can have a perfectly fulfilling college experience while still maintaining a relationship. I would even argue that it enhances your time in college. Hear me out– college is a huge adjustment. Everything is new and changing, and some people would tell you that your relationship needs to change as well. I disagree. While your relationship may have to go through a bit of change, especially if you have to go long-distance, the support that your partner gives you should be unwavering. When you have a partner, you have a constant. Someone that you can depend on. Someone that you can talk to. From my own experience, when you go into this new collegiate world with someone you love, the familiarity of having someone there for you while you’re navigating a new life can be the thing that grounds you, ultimately improving your time in college.
There are plenty of pros for staying in your relationship, but it’s no secret that it comes with its own set of challenges. I think the biggest one is how to realistically maintain a long-distance relationship. According to an NBC News article, almost 33% of college relationships are long-distance. While long-distance is undeniably tough, the age in which we live helps present solutions to this problem. In this digital era, we have access to one another like never before. We can text, call, FaceTime, and communicate via social media. The limits are endless when it comes to staying in contact with the people we love while being physically away from them.
Now, I know what you’re thinking and it’s true. There’s no denying that not being physically present in each other’s life can put a strain on the relationship. In all honesty, there is no replacement for being with your partner. The only way to remedy that is to see your significant other in person as often as you possibly can. How often that is depends on your situation.
My boyfriend lives in my hometown, which is about four hours away from Austin. I don’t have a car here and I have work on the weekends. This has made seeing each other difficult, but here’s how we navigate it: There’s a rideshare service I use called Hitch, and it’s basically a long-distance Uber. It’s relatively cheap (usually $20-$40 per ride), and I haven’t had any problems with it so far. All you have to do is download the app, schedule your ride, and you’re good to go.
I try to request one weekend off from work every month and ride a Hitch to College Station (about halfway to where my boyfriend lives). I’m lucky enough to have a supportive mom, and she meets me there to drive me back to my hometown, where I see my boyfriend. I usually leave Wednesday evening and return Sunday afternoon, which gives my boyfriend and I about five days a month together. I enjoy every moment of it.
There are many other solutions to the problem of long-distance travel. A popular and cheap transportation route for UT kids going to Houston or Dallas is the Greyhound Bus or Megabus. Sometimes you may even be able to hitch a ride with a fellow student in their car. There are also usually cheap plane rides through Spirit or Southwest Airlines if you have to travel really far. I know this may sound like a lot, but you just have to be willing to put in effort and make time for the people that you love. You must put in the work necessary to maintain a healthy relationship, and part of that work is doing what you have to do to see the person that you’ve committed to being in a relationship with.
There’s one more way to ensure you’re putting in the effort you need to make your relationship a happy and healthy one: communication. If you’re committed to someone, you have to communicate in a healthy way. This doesn’t just mean talking, but rather keeping your partner up to date in your life. Tell them what you did that day or where you went. Make sure they know your friend’s names and ask them about theirs. If you hope to maintain a relationship, you can’t isolate your significant other from your life, because if you do, they’ll become a stranger.
Another key part of healthy communication is talking to your partner about aspects of your relationship that make you uncomfortable. If there is something in your relationship that’s making you unhappy, you have to talk to your partner about a healthy way to fix the problem. If you don’t have these uncomfortable conversations, it may inevitably lead to resentment. You also have to remember to validate and reassure your significant other of how much you want to stay in your relationship. While you may be scared about your partnership surviving in college, consider that your significant other is as well. A little reassurance, or a simple, “I love you,” will go a long way in keeping your relationship happy and healthy for both parties.
Like I’ve said so many times before, if you hope to maintain a high school relationship in college, you have to put in the necessary effort. While it is work, it’s by no means impossible. When you love someone or choose to be in a relationship with someone, you owe it to yourselves to try and make the relationship last. You have to remember that you chose this person for a reason. I know it’s cliche, but love can conquer any distance or complication if you are only willing to do your part.
Graphic by Sara Kinney