Picture this: you wake up in a frenzy in the morning because you snoozed your alarm one too many times. You missed breakfast, your outfit is a mess and you got to your first class a bit late. You spend the rest of the day hungry, stressed and eager to get back home. Once you do, you decide to unwind with a bit of television. You turn on the TV and play the show or movie that you’ve seen about a million times. You know exactly what’s going to happen in every scene, yet you continue to watch it with pure joy. Why?
With the recent passing of one of my favorite actors, Matthew Perry, I started thinking about his beloved character, Chandler Bing, on “Friends” and how his character, and the entire show, would bring me comfort after a rough day. I used to think I was completely delusional for feeling a connection to his character; I always looked forward to his witty remarks and signature phrases while the series was playing on my television screen. He was fictional and I had never had a real, physical interaction with him, so why did he bring me a sense of comfort? Why did I get sad when the show ended? I’m sure we’ve all felt this way.
I first came across the term “parasocial relationship” during my second year of college and I was astonished (and a bit relieved) to discover that there was actually a phrase that described the relationships I had accumulated with fictional characters over the years. According to the National Register of Health Service Psychologists, parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, while the other party– the persona– is completely unaware of the other’s existence. So, if you feel a connection to a fictional character, or have one or more comfort characters, congratulations! You’re in a parasocial relationship. Welcome to the club.
So, why do we have parasocial relationships or comfort characters? I think that there are four reasons why we may feel close to certain fictional roles: relatability, inspiration/aspiration, escapism, and ease.
When we relate to a character a part of us feels seen. It is no secret that life comes with a multitude of complexities and hardships unique to our own lives, so we feel it is impossible that anyone can truly relate to us, but when we come across a character who accurately represents an aspect of our lives, it’s as if we aren’t entirely alone. That sounds completely and utterly cheesy, but bear with me. In a world full of individual and contrasting perspectives, it is comforting to know that we are all able to connect to each other through fictional characters on our television screens.
Fictional characters also give us inspiration; when we are feeling unmotivated or unsure of what to do next, these characters can give us ideas for an action plan. Television shows tend to cover a variety of themes, so we are bound to find a show that can help us move forward from difficult situations. Although most television shows tend to exaggerate scenarios in order to make them entertaining, the realistic aspects are not entirely erased, so we are able to transfer what we see on television to real-world experiences. Also, when we find characters that we find inspirational, we aspire to be like them, (i.e. maybe a fictional character could inspire someone who is normally more introverted to be more outgoing) which allows us to explore other versions of ourselves and come closer to who we are or who we want to be.
Although relatability and inspiration/aspiration are key factors in developing parasocial relationships, the two most prominent reasons I think we partake in these types of relationship dynamics are escapism and ease. As I mentioned before, we tend to face a variety of day-to-day hardships, so having periods of escapism – meaning, being able to escape reality for a brief moment – is relaxing and very much needed. We tend to repeat the same stories because it gives our brains a break from having to process real-world complexities.
Although I have been praising the presence of comfort characters, I must also note that there are boundaries we must make when we find ourselves in these parasocial relationships. A comfort character is supposed to make you feel good when you are having a tough time in the real world, but it is crucial that we acknowledge the fact that our comfort characters can not replace the real relationships we experience. So yes, it is OK to use fictional characters as a form of escapism from the hardships of reality but remember, moderation is key.
Parasocial relationships are an important part of the modern person. In a world where outside stressors can be daunting, it’s normal to feel a connection to fictional characters because they provide us with so much. Cheers to you, comfort characters. May our fifteenth watch be just as good as our first, and may we always have the warm glow of a television screen to share.