My Google Docs Breakup


By Emma Bittner

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Nothing is worse than a break up.

Google docs is supposed to be for collaborating on projects and papers, not for breaking up with people. That’s right I said it, I was broken up with on google docs. I’ve had some misfortune in the dating world, I’ve been ghosted, stalked and apparently attract some pretty weird people, but what did I do to deserve being broken up with in a word document.

Let me start from the beginning on this one. It was the summer before my sophomore year of high school, my boyfriend at the time had dropped his phone in the pool and was in the week long process of soaking it in rice. I thought nothing of it, everyone has to go without their phone for a few days, no big deal. 

It was late in the afternoon when I got a text from my friend who also happened to be my boyfriend’s sister. She was telling me to check my email because her brother had sent me something. A little giddy, I opened up the invitation to the document expecting something cute, or at least interesting. Instead, in big bold letters “DO NOT TYPE UNTIL I’M DONE” was at the top of the screen. Classy and straight to the point. I started reading anyway. No, it wasn’t a love letter. No, it wasn’t him telling me how he missed me because we couldn’t talk. It was a breakup letter. Not even a letter really, more of we are breaking up and that is that.

I was confused and concerned. My knee-jerk reaction wasn’t even to cry, but to ignore the bolded instruction and to respond immediately. This was my best friend (now ex-boyfriend) who I was talking to and I needed some answers. In short, the Google docs back and forth messaging didn’t get me anywhere and yeah, we broke up. Was it a really random way to do the deed? Was it really that urgent that he couldn’t have waited a few days until he got a phone to call me and do it? I guess so. 

Like every girl after a break-up, I ate some ice cream, cried and ignored the world for a while. Instead of getting some sort of revenge, I did what any logical girl would have done and went to the soonest concert coming to Dallas, which happened to Fall Out Boy, and sang my little emo heart out. Concert and retail therapy never hurt anyone, except their bank account, and honestly made me feel a lot better.

What did I do to deserve this? Nothing, and with every breakup, it was probably coming anyway. I think back to this a lot and even joke about it with that guy, and while it was awful its probably the best story I have to tell. 

Dating is weird and complicated and sometimes, just a complete mess, and that’s okay. Sometimes you have to wade through the awful and horrible times to get to the good ones, and its worth it in the end. While I can never look at Google Docs the same, and I was mortified for a good six months after, now i tell this story as an icebreaker, because who could forget the girl who got broken up with on Google Docs.