The 7 Episodes – We Mean Stages – Of Holiday Spirit
It’s that holly jolly time of year again, and the Scrooges and Christmas lovers are showing their true colors. Though Whovillians and elves get excited about holiday cheer, there are stages of merry celebration that ultimately lead to us being glad it’s all over.
Episode 1: The Pre-Thanksgiving Menace
Psychopaths are already sipping eggnog, decorating fir trees and listening to Bing Crosby’s “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” in Texas’ 80 degree weather. You want to strangle them, but you remember you’ll still have to see them at dinner next Thursday.
Episode 2: Attack of the Black Friday Shoppers
EVERYTHING IS ON SALE AND EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER MET NEEDS A GIFT. (Even that creepy guy on your morning bus ride). You claim to be in the Christmas spirit, but really you’ve been awake for 38 hours and just knocked someone out for a Lego set.
Episode 3: Revenge of the Sugarplum Fairy
Welcome to that annoying time of year when you need a Parka on the way to class, and a bikini after lunch. At this point, though, you wouldn’t wear a bikini because you gained five pounds from Thanksgiving and still willingly take every sugary sweet you’re offered. People are already spouting off holiday greetings but you’re still refusing to watch ABC’s Christmas specials.
Episode 4: A New Holiday Hope
People are adding peppermint to literally everything but you’re okay with it. The Christmas playlists in coffee shops are comforting and the occasional Santa hat-wearer is endearing. You call your mom and give that homeless guy a $10 bill. ‘Cause holiday cheer and stuff.
Episode 5: Last-Minute Shoppers Strike Back
We all know that one person who didn’t go shopping with you and waited until the week of Christmas to get gifts. (If you are this person, please rethink your life choices). All that’s left on the shelves are socks and cookies but these desperate shoppers are rabid.
Episode 6: Return of the Santa Claus
It was horrible planning and decorating for this day, but it all pays off when you watch your loved ones open their gifts. There’s nowhere else you’d rather be than in front of the tree, snuggled up on the couch with your family.
Episode 7: The New Year Awakens
Whether you’re fast asleep when the ball drops, or at the club doing a group Jaeger Bomb, you’re quietly hoping this new year brings more success and happiness than the last. “New year, new me” – amirite?
If you’re a rogue one, maybe none of these apply to you. Luckily we’ll come up with an episode eight by next December!