And In Other News, OU Sucks

By Sydney Mahl

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With the infamous Red River Rivalry around the corner, here’s just a few reasons why we’re about to chase OU out of Texas:


1. We Did It Last Year



Quite possibly the greatest football upset of all time.  Everyone thought we were going to take a massive L courtesy of the Boomer Sooners, but then an actual football team showed up in our place.  24-17 anyone? With that good mojo backing us, we’re already at an advantage.


2. We’re Playing Better This Year



The Longhorns are starting to come together as a football team.  Yes, there was that unfortunate situation with the Cal Bears, but who really cares about them when we beat Notre Dame so hard even Whataburger got in on the trash talk?



3. OU Actually Kind Of Sucks



Their fight song is hella lame.  Who can possibly get hyped from chanting “Boomer Sooner” in a monotone?  It takes a special kind of person to get going from that.  Oh, and they’re a horrid 1-2 for their football season.





4. Longhorns Are Smarter



OU’s admissions rate is 81.3 percent.  I bet Abby Fisher could’ve gotten in there without having to lift a finger. UT’s admissions rate, on the other hand, is 45 percent for in-state students and 29 percent for out of state students.  So even if we don’t act like it on the field, we’ll be the bosses of some OU grads down the road.





5. Writing This Is Making Me Hate OU More



As if this was possible.  Put me in coach!





And lastly, here’s some Boomer Sooner jokes:


How do Sooner’s brain cells die?



What do the Oklahoma football players get on their exams?



Why can’t the Sooner’s football players go on the Internet?

They can’t put three W’s together.