A Day In My Life Working Retail
9:00 – Today I’m opening the store, which means I’m responsible for making sure the whole department looks clean and organized. (LOL, I can’t even clean my room though.)
9:04 – My co-worker arrives, toting a venti Starbucks. She has used the word “homies” about four times since she’s gotten here, and not ironically – the girl actually calls people that. I don’t think we can be friends anymore.
9:53 – We’ve cleaned the department and set up for the day. The manager announces over the speaker that doors open in seven minutes, seVEN MINUTES PEOPLE!!
10:20 – It’s like a ghost town in here. My co-worker and I go through the new catalog to entertain ourselves. She exclaims how much she wants a faux fur moto jacket, which she pronounces as “fox” fur “motto” jacket. I contemplate hitting my head against the desk.
11:00 – The first customer of the day who doesn’t have returns strolls through the department and asks me for help finding a certain pair of pants in black. She has them already in khaki, so I grab the skew from those to find the black ones. When I return with the exact same pants in black, she argues that those aren’t in fact the exact same pants. Apparently despite having the same skew, design, and style name, those can’t possibly be the same pant in a different color.
11:11 – I make a wish for no more annoying customers, which is promptly ignored. When a customer asks me what to wear under a revealing shirt, I recommend a bralette similar to what I’m wearing and she informs me for my own good that it looks tacky. Thanks.
12:15 – I have a customer who asks me to return an item…that’s sitting at home, in her closet. As in it’s not with her in the store. As in she wants me to return an item but doesn’t actually want to bring it back.
12:45 – A piece of clothing is shoved towards me with the customer saying “Check price. Check price. Check price,” despite me telling her it’s full price.
1:00 – A woman tells me she just loves my America necklace. My necklace is the state of Texas. I mean, we’re basically our own country, but let’s work on our geography people.
1:02 – As I’m ringing up my customer, she wants her receipt emailed to her but is upset the system doesn’t have her email. “It’s too long to tell you,” she says. I want to say that if she can’t even tell people her email then it’s too damn long and what’s the purpose of having it, but I don’t because I love my paycheck (slightly) more than being right.
1:12 – I’m ringing up a customer who informs me that she wants to pay cash. She gives me what she thinks are the sufficient coins so she avoids getting back 98 cents and can instead get a dollar, and doesn’t seem to understand when I tell her she hasn’t given me the right change. She insists she has, so I say eff it and ring it up, giving her back 98 cents. She then demands me to tell her what she can possibly do with 98 cents and I want to tell her to shove it where the sun don’t shine, but I smile at her and say nothing.
3:45 – Another person asks me to check the price of a full price item. Such a bargain hunter.
4:30 – Almost time to leave.
4:53 – As I’m clocking out, a woman approaches and asks to return several items. I recognize her, and I realize it’s because she has tried to return these items to me before and I determined she probably stole them because she had no proof of purchase and didn’t remember when, where, or how she purchased them because #amnesia.
4:54 – She shoves receipts towards me and says “I have some receipts” and I say “Well they’re not THE receipts” and she can’t grasp that I can’t return a skirt when she hands me a receipt for a shirt.
5:00 – I have lost all my faith in humanity.